Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
