i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
