and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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