peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Found the puke drawer
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
