When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
