How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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