the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
