she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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