He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
