Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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