hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
