her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
