I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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