He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
