is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize