I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think i got beer on your cat.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
