Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
