weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
