apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
