is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize