five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
