If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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