Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
