I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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