I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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