You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
