its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
