Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
