shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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