It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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