your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
