i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize