he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
