You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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