"it" just moved
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
