There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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