I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
