bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
