i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
