After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I want to be your penis for a week.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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