this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
