just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
