yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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