Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
