either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
