perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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