There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
