the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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