one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
