escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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