Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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