I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize