she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
