Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
