Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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