just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
