I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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