Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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