wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
