listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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