Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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