Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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