Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
