the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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