I will die if light touches me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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