I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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