Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
