She is in my trunk
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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