i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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