I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
