Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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